The World Around Us….

What were the things that have most influenced your life? Your environment? Your teachers? Your parents? Your brothers and sisters?

I would think that most of us would argue all of the above. Some of those factors influenced us more than others, and some were more positive than others, too.  Some were for longer durations than others, some with a greater intensity, dosage, frequency, etc.  We were in school at least half of our waking day. If we had basketball practice or Cub Scouts, like I did, we spent the whole day at school. And that time included an adult or two, and in many cases, our parents, too.

Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs: How many of these levels were reached
when we were growing up and engaged in school and programs?

The adults included teachers, religious figures, coaches, neighbors, parish leaders, and of course, our parents. It seemed like we were always surrounded by two or three adults who worked with us, guided us, and sometimes yelled at us to keep us in line and attentive. I would venture to say that for the most part the adults in our lives were positive in the context of the ‘50s, ‘60s, ‘70s,  and ‘80s. But so much is known now about youth development, brain development, engagement, voice and choice that even some of the best adults in our lives would be shocked to discover some of the things they did or said did not always followed the best approach. Yes, they were not perfect. We certainly were not and continue to be imperfect. Any takers on that one? 

What I appreciated most was their determination. Their quest to keep us safe, entertained, focused, and committed to the task at hand. Baseline stuff, the minimum you can provide for children and youth. That seemed to be enough back then, or was it?

Which leads to…

Yesterday I had a forty-five minute conversation with a grammar school teacher of mine. I cannot share the name now, but I hope to eventually, with her consent, of course. I have been trying to find and reach out to this Teacher to thank her. I have much to be grateful for. Well on this day, I got lucky!

I did not want to sound like some creep who was seeking revenge for having to write ‘no horse playing’ ten thousand times. I wanted to call this Teacher, re-introduce myself, and say thank you. Where do I begin? One thing about me is, I am one determined individual (ask my wife). Maybe a little stubborn, too. Anyway, I looked for the name and phone number, and found a hit.

WOW!  I needed to think about my approach. I asked my wife and girls: what should I do? Write a letter? Call this person? Go to her home? Well, my oldest daughter suggested I give the Teacher a call. She’s bold! So I did! I was truly excited about it. I knew what my lunch break at work would entail. I took a step back in time and dialed the number.

After about six rings, a ‘hello’ finally over the phone. One thing I learned over the years is to always have an eleven second speech, elevator speech if you will, prepared in your head when you are asked what do you do for such and such company, who do you work for, etc.  I quickly gave this person my name formally and respectfully before the anticipated ‘click’, or “you’re nuts for calling me”. But it did not happen.

In the world of bad news, sad news, and money and power changing everything it touches, this person that influenced me, helped in molding who I am today, pleasantly greeted me. Didn’t know who I was immediately, then asked if I was related to Rita, my younger sister. Big smile; then like “what the”?!

As we spoke I did not want to come off as some kind of marketing person or a robotic nightmare from the past; I wanted to hear the thoughts and reflections. This person was calm, and so her words calmed me. At first I thought it was going to be a short, thanks for calling, type of conversation, but it developed into a reflective conversation about the past, present and possible future.

The same person I remember is the same person that spoke to me: overflowing with confidence and interest; marking points in our conversation and asking for clarification or elaboration when she felt there was a need for more details or an interesting topic to tease out. I felt like I was writing an English paper again!

What did we talk about? Everything! Life and life’s challenges now and back then. The sincere care and love this person and teachers alike had for us students. How difficult it is to be teaching now with all of the great challenges that exist in today’s world. This Teacher was very critical of where we are now with education and families. This Teacher is an expert, as a matter of fact. Hell, after literally hundreds of students and families in over five decades of teaching, you would think this person knew a little something about something.  And she did…in volumes!

This is the stress of today on our children.  Did we feel this growing up back in the day?

A couple of things resonate from our conversation. This Teacher believes in our children, their goodness and well-intentioned actions.  This Teacher believes that families, parents are the key to successful children, to be successful in life. 

As we were making plans to meet after ‘old man winter’ goes south to Florida, I thanked this Teacher for everything, specifically for those times that there was a true vote of confidence in me, when she believed in my abilities, believed that my parents would be my first and most important teachers.  Believed in their abilities to teach and guide me through elementary school, so I could succeed in high school.  Believed most strongly on the first principle of being an adult – do no harm.

At the end of conversation, one of this Teacher’s many signature sayings, “Good bye, Kiddo,” concluded our phone conversation.

Her determination like so many others in the field of teaching, or in the field of being a caring, loving adult, shapes our world, gives us hope to continue, to reach for the impossible. Most of us have felt it, saw it, and ran with it. Determination is that one skill that takes both the heart and soul of a human being to influence and impact those around them in a positive way. My Teacher admitted some failures or wrong choices in her career, but her commitment to forge ahead and see us as her focal point defines determination. Or maybe there is another word for it?

That was the brand of determination I received. I cannot assume everyone received the same. Is that what our society lacks now in the field of education, teaching, parenting? Or is it something else? Another word?

My Teacher is still filled with that same spirit even after she retired from teaching. She volunteers as an English as a Second Language Instructor. Now that defines determination.